Forgiveness Wanted: Dead or Alive

Today a slight “off” feeling stuck around my solar plexus for a few moments. I am not “off” much since April—the gift of suffering does not last long as it is just a pointer toward joy, which I gratefully accept. I knew the feeling was related to someone else from my past, who I had been thinking about, and so I began the practice.

What do I want?

Hmmmm I tried-on a few things like “to love that person,” and “to feel that person’s love,” but this time these things did not match. Nothing filled the gap, until I hit on wanting that person’s forgiveness. Old mind began to arise, “but they won’t even speak to you, how can you get their forgiveness…?” and ignoring that thought, which did not feel good and was designed to take me in the wrong direction toward suffering, I continued with the practice…